WHY PEOPLE CRY AFTER ORGASM

Have you ever had sex with someone who cried after an orgasm or have you ever cried after one and wondered why?

What does an orgasm actually feel like?

Why Do I Cry After Having an Orgasm, Even If the Sex Is Great?

There’s nothing quite like the feelings of elation, release, and tranquility that follow an incredible orgasm, whether you climaxed with someone you’re really into or during a satisfying solo session. So then why do some of us inexplicably cry after orgasm, even if the experience is great? What’s happening in the body that can lead to such divergent reactions?

One 2020 survey of 223 women and 76 men found that nearly 92% of people reported having an emotional reaction after sex over the course of four weeks. Women were most likely to report mood swings and sadness, while men reported reduced energy and unhappiness. And nearly 34% of these people said they only experienced these feelings after orgasm. 

An orgasm is a full-body experience, but it really starts with your brain, per the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. When any part of the genitals—the clitoris, vagina, penis, or prostate—is stimulated, your nerves send signals to your brain. Researchers have found that the thalamus—a brain structure that’s involved with sensory, memory, and emotional processing—“helps integrate information about touch a person receives, movement they’re involved with, and any sexual memories or fantasies they think about to help them reach orgasm,” Cooper says.

During orgasm, the brain releases chemicals to boost blood flow to the genitals, which essentially amps up the pleasure factor; physical tension down there is also relieved through a series of fierce muscle contractions. Meanwhile, your brain is also flooding your system with “feel-good” hormones; oxytocin brings up feelings of trust and intimacy, while prolactin generates the sensations of warmth and satiation that we tend to associate with orgasm, Cooper explains. 

So, why do some people cry after orgasm?

There are lots of reasons you might cry after orgasm, Cooper says, including both the hormonal cascade caused by the orgasm itself and your individual emotional reaction to it.

Even though crying is seen as a sign of sadness, getting teary-eyed after orgasm could, ironically enough, be linked to a sense of euphoria—for example, when you feel a release of built-up emotional tension if it’s been a long time since you climaxed with a partner. It could also just be a sign of your sympathetic nervous system “coming down” from a powerful physical experience, Cooper says. This set of nerves is responsible for your body’s automatic functions, like your heart rate and blood pressure; it helps deliver more blood to certain parts of your body in intense situations—including your genitals during orgasm.

Crying after orgasm can also be a sign of postcoital dysphoria (PCD) or postcoital tristesse (PCT), which is characterized by feeling a low mood after consensual sex, even if it was great, satisfying sex. PCD can trigger crying or a sense of sadness, anxiety, irritability, or frustration, says Cooper, and research suggests the phenomenon is relatively common. A 2015 survey of 195 college-aged heterosexual women found that 46% reported experiencing PCD at least once. Researchers from several studies have linked PCD to various factors, including psychological distress related to anxiety and trauma, difficulty maintaining a strong sense of self, as well as sexual dysfunction (including issues related to desire and arousal, inadequate lubrication, physical sensations of pain, and overall sexual satisfaction).

When should I consider talking to someone about this?

As long as it doesn’t interfere with your enjoyment of sex, shedding a few tears after orgasm isn’t necessarily a huge deal, even if it’s a little perplexing in the moment. “Recognize that these emotions are part of being human,” Cooper says, adding that anyone can be met with “a wide range of feelings when hormones and emotional attachment are combined in such an intense way.”

Even regularly crying after orgasm may not point to an issue if it truly doesn’t bother you (meaning you felt good about the experience and about your partner). If that’s the case, it’s probably a good idea to give any new partner a heads up before you hop into bed together. You might, for example, tell them: “Hey, just so you’re aware, I become emotional after sex, and this is part of my process. Please don’t take it personally, but know that I might need some extra comfort and cuddling as part of my aftercare.”

If you’re still curious about this reaction and want to dig deeper, you can try and pinpoint potential triggers—just give yourself a minute first. “Process what emotions got unleashed once the two of you are no longer [in an intimate situation] and are more emotionally stable,” Cooper suggests. Once you’re up to it, consider doing a short breathing exercise to help your body and mind unwind; then jot your thoughts down in a journal (or even in the Notes app on your phone). How are you feeling, both physically and mentally? Where in your body are you sensing these emotions? Practicing this exercise consistently might help you identify some patterns.

Again, crying after orgasm is fairly common and it isn’t always a sign that something is wrong— there’s a lot going on in the body that can set off those tears. But, for some people, it can signal a deeper issue that needs attention. For example, “We know that survivors of childhood sexual abuse hold much of this trauma in their bodies, even when they don’t have a lot of clear memories of what happened to them,” Cooper explains, adding that sex can bring up “frustrating, sad, or traumatic memories” in certain cases.

If the emotions you feel after orgasm start to interfere with your ability to enjoy sex or your relationship with your partner in general, it’s time to reach out to an expert for help. You can start with an ob-gyn or a primary care doctor; they can help rule out or identify any underlying health issues that may be contributing to the problem. You should also consider reaching out to a therapist if you can, or an AASECT-certified sex therapist for specialized guidance. No matter what you may need to process or work through, remember to give yourself compassion—because you deserve to have sex that feels safe and satisfying.